I notice myself sabotage the simple things and the good things by letting this sense of inadequacy seep in. There are a billion other things that could be going on at this very moment... Is the moment that I am in more beautiful than I am realizing? This is a reality check that I often do with myself. It's soo easy to get wrapped up in the endless game of "could, should, would." And, quite frankly, fuck that.
A beloved therapist of mine has shared with me a few pieces of wisdom that ring in my ears:
1) It's not a problem if it's not a problem.
2) No decision IS a decision (standing at the base of a mountain looking up at the various trail options is choosing to remain in the same spot, rather than beginning climbing).
3) You are "should-ing" all over yourself when you are always thinking about what you could be doing rather than what you are doing.
I sit here thinking about all that I should or could be doing rather than what it is that I AM doing. I have a silly habit of taking myself out of the moment I'm presently in. Insert anxiety and depression.
Here's my understanding about anxiety & depression:
Anxiety is a sneaky fucker that seeps into our pores when we are feel uncertain, scared, or lost over what the future holds.
Depression is a molten lava slow creeping from behind us over what we could've, should've, or would've done in the past had we known better... Or it's like a quick sand that we some how stumble upon. Where does it come from?
I often wonder if I am "wasting" my time and my one shot at living up to my true potential in this beautiful life. But I also know it's entirely possible that I am just on my divine path and at the pace of my life. Hence, my therapist's epic advice above.
So, my aim and my focus is this: Let it be light. Let it be filled with gratitude for living THIS very life. Let the darkness & heaviness drift on by. It's just life after all!
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